Mediocrity

Have you met people that seem content with giving less to their work or their life? They give only what needs to be given and no more. Remember, there is very little traffic on the extra-mile highway. Yet there are a thousand opportunities for people to travel down this road, but instead they just barely go the mile. When we accept excuses instead of accepting responsibility, we promote mediocrity. When we allow mediocrity to enter our lives, we miss opportunities.

We must be alert and willing to respond and to take action. I provide leadership training and work with a variety of companies. Recently I have been working with companies in the service - hospitality industry. One of the items the leaders recognize is the need to help teach customer service and selling skills to the employees. Employees who work on commission often get focused on meeting the goal for the month or the week and so they put their energy into meeting this pre-set goal and for not moving beyond it. In other words, they get locked into settling for less instead of more. For example, a server in a restaurant comes to work and sees each customer as a $ 3.00 tip. The result is the server misses the opportunity to go the extra-mile and to provide more service. The server misses the customers glance at the cheesecake on another persons table and asks about dessert as a fleeting thought instead of way to encourage the customer. If the customer says no, then the ticket goes on the table and yet another opportunity is missed, because maybe the customer wanted dessert, but was too full, if the server had offered then ask if they would like the dessert to-go perhaps for a late night snack, or a surprise for the kids who are home with the babysitter. So many options not explored. This happens when mediocrity attitudes direct the person to the outcome instead of the person directing the outcome.

How you ever come home from work been too tired to worry about taking care of bills or other items that needed to be done, but you did not want to do? We have all done this and perhaps even paid the consequences in terms of late fees if bills were late. Why? We settled for less and so our body gave us less, by not seeking the extra energy that we needed. We can grow old and not have lived or experienced life, because we take the easy road and don’t push ourselves to be ready to receive more.

Where is mediocrity in your life? Is it in relationships at home or at work? What are you willing to do to decrease mediocrity? Then this requires that we take action and eliminate our own mediocrity. This can mean that we need to manage time better, or better understand. What are they conserving the energy for? When we leave mediocrity behind we embrace possibilities and take responsibility for reaching higher. Suddenly we tap all our senses, our eyes see new opportunities that would once have been overlooked. Our ears tune into conversations that we would have once ignored and our intuition starts leading us toward opportunities we never dreamed were options. So eliminate excuses and to let go of mediocrity, begin today because to wait would be to do what the other people are doing. The extra-mile highway to success is yours if you are ready to travel!

No Excuses Approach

Have you ever known people who seem to full of excuses? Reasons why they can’t do something! This particular kind of helplessness can be exhausting. Working with individuals that make excuses is draining. The negativity and energy that they project into making their case, depletes positive energy as their excuses resonate as complaints. Beware of these people for they can infect a home or place of work and it can take a great deal of energy to reverse their affects.

People become like those who they are surrounded by! So leaders have to be the ones to project an atmosphere of positive attitudes. We must be aware that making excuses or complaining is easier that facing the task at hand. When we give in to these individuals, we empower them and weaken our ability to regain control so that their negative power is diminished. We must be confident in creating an No Excuses approach to facing challenges or obstacles at home and at work. When we understand the importance of this approach, we are able to examine each obstacle in a way that allows us to see solutions and to avoid running from the problem. Leaders that make excuses are only postponing the inevitable and the problems they are attempting to avoid will only get bigger and more difficult to resolve. As leaders, we should never become comfortable with half-truths or information that permits excuses. Instead, we have to work for taking action even with that action is uncomfortable.

Allowing people to make excuses only feeds their feelings of helplessness, dependence, and sense of inadequacy. Facing the choices and making a choice is actually easier and less draining than running from situations. Remember we have a right to choose our attitude and our response. People who choose excuses are running away from opportunities while people who choose to face the situation are about to learn and grow. There are times we all would like to run from having to make decisions, but when we make an excuse, we forfeit our ability to get through it on our own terms.

Consider having a discussion with yourself or with the people that we work with or live with.

Ask these questions: Do I make excuses? If so why? Am I willing to face the choices and to take charge of my life? If not what are you afraid of? Think back to your teen years! Teens spend the majority of their life wanting to be in charge of their own decisions. Tired of hearing parents or guardians tell them why they can’t do things. Then when we are old enough to make our own decisions, we have to be ware of copying people in our lives who made excuses that limited us.

What are people in your life or business making excuses about today? Is that they don’t have enough time? There aren’t enough resources? Etc. Gordon MacDonald says, “People who are out of shape mentally, fall victim to ideas that are destructive.” People who make excuses need to be taught how to shape their thoughts so that they take responsibility for their decisions and are willing to make decisions instead of excuses.

I recently completed a strategic planning retreat with a company that had a motto of No Excuses.

When ideas were presented they were allowed to share obstacles and challenges that they would face to meet the goals, but anything that sounded like an excuse was questioned. The group created a strategic plan filled with possibilities in with methods to make their goals a reality. There business is challenging and very unpredictable as are many and the future of their jobs depends on their success with very little control over government regulations, yet they have fully accepted that excuses will only prevent them from reaching their potential.

Businesses today will fold very quickly, if employees are allowed to be apathetic and to make excuses. Leaders and human resource personnel have to be clear about the expectations they have of the staff. We are renting behaviors when people come to work for us so make sure you are getting your money’s worth and rent the positive behaviors. Be prepared to teach people about the impact of negativity and help them understand the advantages of taking responsibility of their decisions instead of trying to excuse them away.

Communication Skills

Have you ever had a conversation where you felt you spoke, but the other person failed to listen? Too often, we convince ourselves we are listening when we are only hearing ourselves speak. Studies have shown that people speak 120 to 160 words per minute, yet they only hear an average of 14 words. While the noise is heard, the comprehension of what is being said is at best only 7% of what is being said.
The remaining 93% of communication is interpreted through body language and tone. Body language in America is given credit for 55% of what people hear while the tone impacts 38% of the message. How often are we doing one thing while instructing people to do something entirely different then frustrated because a task was done improperly. If how we say, what we say is such a large percentage of how we communicate then the cliché to “walk your talk” makes much more sense.

Barriers to Effective Communication

That means be aware of the need to listen and understand that there are numerous barriers to communicating. Here are some that you are probably already aware of:

o Not understanding the language
o Verbal and non-verbal messages are in a different language. This includes not understanding the jargon or idioms used by another sub-culture or group.
o Not understanding the context
o Not knowing the history of the occasion, relationship, or culture.
o Distraction
o Not giving adequate attention to processing the message in real-time, perhaps because of multitasking.
o Lack of time - there is rarely enough time to communicate with everyone.
o Physical barriers to the transmission of messages, such as background noise, facing the wrong way, talking too softly, and physical distance.
o Medical issues - Hearing loss and various brain conditions can hamper communication.
o Beliefs - World-views may discourage one person from listening to another.
o Emotions - Fear and anxiety associated with communication.

Make what you say matter

People in leadership positions need to communicate with silence more than with words. 70% of a leader’s time should be spent listening instead of speaking. This past week I have suffered from a severe case of laryngitis, a bad experience for a person who makes a living speaking. After making it through the week giving several full day programs, I needed to be able to speak at the National Speakers Association of Central Florida program as I was being inducted as this years President. The laryngitis prevented a long speech, but secured that I used the right message, which had the same effect. The moral to the story is that sometimes saying less, says more. The next time you want to communicate, remember that there are already plenty of barriers that can keep people from hearing your message, so make sure what you say is said at the right time and that it matters.

June is "Effective Communications" Month. Improve your business with better communication skills when it comes to dealing with potential clients, current customers, employees and more.

Clarity

Gaining clarity in life means that we look in more than one direction at a time and are ready to start and stop simultaneously. Doug Ivestor, President of Coca Cola is credited with saying, “Never let your memories be greater than your dreams.” We live in a world where we evaluate people on their past progress and collect data about what has happened while always trying to dream of what will be and what we want to happen.

Gaining clarity can allow us to discover answers. It is reported that 75% of the problems that overwhelm people can be resolved easily, if the problems are written down and evaluated clearly. We get so bogged down in feelings, circumstances, and excuses that it is easy to lose sight of the real problem. Seeing it in writing can change our whole perspective. In addition, it is important to gain clarity on what steps have been taken to solve the problem and thus determine what steps need to be taken to resolve the problem. Leaders need clarity if they are to lead others. In our busy life’s it is easy to lose clarity and to get caught up in activities that can steer us in the wrong direction.

Read the dashboard to gain clarity

Last week I lead a Strategic Planning Retreat for the National Speakers Association of Central Florida, as I will assume the role of President in June of 2006, thus the board and committees needed to gain clarity on our direction and goals. Clarity is best determined when information is examined objectively. Looking at information with feelings removed and with preconceived judgments eliminated, allows leaders to look at what the data or facts show. Is there a pattern and do the patterns give us information on what is happening in our industry and thus help us prepare a plan that will meet future needs and trends. Dave Timmons a member of our Board at NSA/CF used an analogy of the information we are seeking to gather for our association to that of a car’s dashboard. Drivers use the information on the dashboard to signal them about the cars performance. Lights and gauges allow the driver to know if the car is running at optimal level. When gauges get into red zones, or when certain lights come on they are indicating that there is a problem.

While collecting data can give us clear objectivity so we can look ahead, it is still important to learn lessons from the past relative to where we are now. What you do today creates a road map for where you will be tomorrow. What are your instruments telling you on your personal and professional dashboard? Are you ignoring signals because they are not what you want to hear? Are you prepared for the consequences that come from ignoring signals? Be careful and refrain from manipulating data or answers to make them look the way you want them to look. If you are willing to check the dashboard, then be ready to read the information correctly and to make adjustments accordingly.

Ask for clarity from the People

Leaders in business are too familiar with the concept of doing more with less. In order to optimize productivity it is vital to tap into the human resource capital available and increase the flow of ideas. Employee/member involvement is sound strategy in any system. Companies that have gone through changes need to revitalize staff, while secure companies already understand the risks of not tapping into every mind in the organization. Gaining clarity goes beyond crunching numbers on product sold, it includes asking for clarity from the people producing the product. Involving employees in the business and recognizing them for their extra contributions leads to greater employee satisfaction, a higher level of commitment, and an increase in overall employee performance. Today’s technology permits us to grab information effectively without having the old fashion suggestion box. Ideas can be collected and assessed with a few clicks of the computer. However, it takes more than just technology to make an idea management application work successfully. Surveys are merely a tool that can be used in conjunction with the a plan to act on the information obtained. Before embarking on a new idea or revitalizing an existing one, it is important to assess if it is worth the time and if it will have the support of others behind it. Consider the following when attempting to gain clarity on direction: ask for ideas, nurture ideas, implement ideas, measure ideas and reward people who share ideas. When ideas are approved, employees are motivated to continue submitting suggestions.

Ready to get clarity in your life or in your business then ask the right questions and get direction starting today.

Conflicts Part IV - Performance Management

In the last newsletter we discussed that managing difficult people is more about managing behaviors that create conflict. We also came to the realization that in the work setting we rent behaviors for a fee, also called a pay check. We have addressed several ways to resolve conflicts and how to identify problem behaviors to decrease conflicts from escalating. However, when a conflict is occurring in the work setting, inevitably will impact the job performance. Human resource professionals can help managers work through situations that may lead to termination. But what about the intervention steps before this.

As discussed earlier people are creatures of habits and therefore if we have neglected to address a problem in a timely manner, not to worry they will repeat it.

Address problematic behaviors within 72 hours or less. Addressing behaviors weeks later, is ineffective. If the event or situation is important enough that it needs to be addressed then doing this in a timely manner is necessary. The rule of thumb for 72 hours is to allow for a cool down time. Lets say an employee verbally threatens another employee. The angered employee makes a fist, yells and throws down an object that was in their hand. While the angered employee storms off, everyone within earshot has watched the scene unfold. The persons anger and actions need to be addressed. Calling them into your office to discuss this behavior is appropriate, but the goal of that meeting may be best spend simply de-escalating them, assuring that they are calmer when they leave and not a threat to the safety of others. Meeting with them a day or so later, may be in both parties best interest as the employee should have had some time to cool off and reflect on what happened to spark their flames. Neglecting to meet with this employee can have grave implications as others may become more fearful and the employee feels that the behavior has been excused. Please realize a single outburst does not necessarily mean that a person is violent, this outburst could be due to something physical, such as a change in blood pressure etc. Whatever the cause it, the person needs to be spoken with and needs to understand that such behavior is not tolerated.

When the time comes to meet with the employee, address the most recent issue. Unless this is a disciplinary action, bringing up the past pattern of behavior should be a last resort. The best place for the meeting should be in a neutral area, one that does not put the employee on guard, but provides safety for you. Ensure that the meeting will not be interrupted and sufficient time exists to complete the discussion. Ask the employee privately to come to the office, avoid creating further attention to the individual by paging him or her overhead. If the employee is having difficulty, controlling their temper such an announcement may reignite the behavior.

If for some reason, the employee cannot be met within 72 hours then plan to meet with him or her in no less than 2 weeks. There are sometimes extenuating circumstances, vacations, etc. that prevent people from meeting promptly, but avoid allowing any more time to pass than this.

Here is a simple formula that can be used to address performance management issues. This is a great tool for home and work.

For the leader, manager, teacher who needs to address an issue use the COPING method.

Clarify for yourself why this is a problem or a conflict. This clarification means that it can’t be personal, but must be a valid reason.

Objectively identify the facts. Be objective in examining the situation vs. subjective.

Patterns of behavior. Is this an isolated incident or one that has occurred before. Is there a history.

Investigate the facts as you know them. What can be validated? If this becomes a
reprimand than the facts are a must, is there a policy that has been violated?

Negotiation is going to be key. What is that needs to be done? Does a behavior
need to change. What will the new behavior or response look like. How can you describe it, if the person doesn’t seem to be aware that a change is needed.

Give them a chance to change. Is this an option? How long do they have to show that
there is a real change in this behavior? Be prepared to share this with the individual.

Once you have had the chance to work through the Coping Model it is time to use it with the employee. Prepared with your information, we allow the employee to see what he or she can offer as a solution etc.

Clarify with the employee why you are meeting. Offer for them to advise you of the
reason first. Allow them to ask questions to make sure that he or she understands.

Objectively listen to their story. Ask them to explain the situation without naming other employees or blaming other people. We are all responsible for our own behavior. No one can make us behave a certain way. We allow people to ignite us, and ultimately we are responsible for our reaction and response.

Patterns of performance or of a behavior. Put the employee’s performance in relative
terms is also a good tool to promote recognition of an issue, i.e., “Susan, while I
understand that you may feel that being late is beyond your control, your tardiness
record places you in the bottom 10% of the workforce in terms of reliability.”

Investigate and identify alternatives with the employee. Allow the employee to identify what could be done to prevent this from happening again.

Negotiate with the alternatives presented. What is acceptable and reasonable in the
work setting.

Give them a chance to demonstrate a change. Set a time line for checking back with them on observed changes.

Going through this analytical process prior to meeting with the employee allows a manager to focus his/her thoughts and guide the conversation more efficiently. Discussing performance/behavior with an employee is the most critical component of performance management and in keeping conflicts to a minimum.

The key in effectively dealing with a conflict or performance issue is to distinguish the person from his behaviors. Honoring an employee’s right to be treated professionally, courteously, and respectfully aligns equity on the side of the manager, and allows the relationship to survive the problem.

Perform coping today. It is easy to apply to a variety of situations, after all, COPING is what it is all about.

Conflict Resolution Part III

Is there blood running through the veins of your employees or coworkers, or is embalming fluid literally pumping the life out of your organization and pumping certain death into it? I am an optimistic person, I even have rose-colored glasses so I can see things from a very tainted point of view, but at the same time, I am a realist. In working with some organizations that are attempting to resolve conflicts, the reality is that we want to start with the people who are pumping the life out of an organization, when we ultimately need to start with the people that are still willing to pump life into the organization.

Yes, this is the path of least resistance. Some may see it as the easy way out, but I like the way my husband stated it: “you have to give up the hill to win the battle.” When dealing with conflict resolution there are some key items to understand.

1. What is at the core of the problem?

2. What is the behavior that is getting the reaction?

3. What is the group or person doing to derail the leader or us from seeing the problem?

4. Who is the scapegoat, or the person who is taking the heat and blame for the problem?

5. What (if anything) is the scapegoat doing to provoke or contribute to the situation?

6. What are other people doing that permits the person or people to sustain the conflict?

As we answer these questions, other elements need to be addressed, such as:

1. How does this group/team think?
2. Are they analytical, intuitive, or people-oriented?
3. Are the problems being resolved in a way that makes sense to their thought process?
4. If not, what can be done to improve this?

In the last two newsletters we talked about predictable patterns that occur when there are problems, how some people thrive on creating chaos and how others get caught up in it. (If you missed those newsletters just write us at newsletter@achievingcorporateexcellence.com and in the subject request Part I and II.) Now we have to dissect the problem on a more personal level. As leaders or people, being affected by the conflict what is that we are doing that is preventing us from resolving it promptly and professionally. Have we identified the core issue, or are we so busy shoveling dirt off of it that we can’t see the solution. Remember my saying, “At the root of every problem, lies the seed to it’s solution.” Once we know the core issue, we have to separate the person from the problem. See the first lesson is that he isn’t the problem, the behavior is, but our reaction to the behavior may be fueling the behavior and until we get our behavior or reactions in check, we will make very little progress.

What behaviors derail us from addressing the core issue? Are little fires started so that we never have time to deal with the big fire? Is blame put back on us in order to take the heat of the person exhibiting the behavior? Again what is your reaction that helps to keep this burning? What are the reactions of others on your team that prevent us from extinguishing the flame or from getting to the root of the problem? An internal flame can ignite an external flame.

Remember it is much easier for a third party person to see the behaviors and to get to the core of the issue. If you or your team is encountering conflicts, it will cost less in the long run to bring someone in to get the problem resolved than it will to ignore it, or to lose productivity while trying to figure it out. Problems that affect our employees affect our relationships with external customers and that can cost us even more. For example, a customer feels that they have been treated unfairly. Research shows that an unhappy customer will complain to a minimum of 15 other customers. Thus spreading a bad reputation. Worse yet is that 96% of all customers who have a complaint or conflict with something your business offers, will never tell you, they will simply take their business elsewhere. So when that one rare customer steps forward and identifies a problem be ready to step up to the opportunity. For a true sign of professionalism and personal growth is being able to turn a negative situation into a positive experience. 70% of complaining customers will continue to do business with you again if you resolve the problem in their favor. 95% will continue to do business with you if you resolve the problem on the spot.

Today what are you doing to solve problems internally or externally. Are you empowering the people you lead? Are you making them more aware of how to resolve conflicts with internal and external customers? Are you assessing their skills so that you can better prepare them to properly fight the battle and surrender the hill?

Who’s Fault is it? - Conflicts in the Workplace Part II

Have you ever tried to ignore a conflict hoping that it would just disappear? Most people have and for some minor issues, that may work at least temporarily. The problem with a negative conflict is that most people don’t have desire to make a change to eliminate it because confrontation seems too painful. There are four reasons people don’t want to address conflict or make a change. First, until the person feels that the cost of ignoring it is higher than the fear of facing it, the conflict will go on this is a bad habit to get into. Second, many people feel unequipped to address conflict. They don’t believe that they can personally or professionally address this situation and have some meaningful resolution. This leads to the third reason conflicts are unattended. Until personal fear is more painful than the situation people will tolerate the known instead of the unknown. Last, is that people often misunderstand that addressing a conflict means attacking a person. When addressing a conflict means that, we address the behavior.

Beware of Bad Habits such as Ignoring Conflicts

In the last newsletter, I shared some of the predictability of negative conflicts. Behaviors are predictable, because we are creatures of habit. When I work with companies who are working through conflict there are several predictable factors. First, is that this situation is far from new. It is the very rare occasion that it is the result of a recent change. Rather it is usually the result of having ignored problems for months and even years. Previously, we discussed the person whose behavior is generating conflict, as being a monkey grinder. This is the person who is sitting back very content stirring up trouble. They are skilled and able to get everyone to dance around trying to figure out how to solve a problem that they created. For them it is very entertaining. This person, for time being will be referred to as the grinder, will complain and blame others for problems. When people start to address problems and behaviors, or resolve problems, then this individual often resorts to the silent treatment. The grinder usually moves quickly from the silence to passive resistant to blatant unwillingness to resolve the problem, discounting all attempts to make things better. The grinder desperately wants things to go back to how they were, when he or she had control and knew what to expect from others. The fact that leadership is seeking resolution makes the person very uncomfortable and fearful.

In the blaming and complaining stage, the monkey grinder ultimately begins to seal his or her own fate. This person uses elaborate detail to trying to create a web of blame that stays away from him or her. The grinder identifies previous managers, supervisors, and employees citing case by case situations of how these people all failed to solve the problem and so here we are today still pretending to address it. I would say the grinder is right in that it is a pretense, if we are not willing to get to the real core of the problem this persons behavior. The grinder is often successful at derailing people with these attacks. Many people get distracted and want to defend themselves or defend the actions of people who have been there before them. Some explanation may be needed to assure that department members involved understand where we are and what we are doing different. Remember the grinder proclaims innocence having never done anything wrong, but is readily available to identify others who have. The grinder is trying to get people to take their side and to disprove any chance of change. What the grinder, seems to miss is that they are actually spelling out in the history that the one constant has been their presence at the company. The problem may have been that leadership at the time felt ill equipped to handle it and thus chose one of four easy and predictable routes: 1) ignore the situation and hope it goes away, 2) deny that there is a real problem, 3) avoid it by being unavailable, or 4) pretend to fix it by addressing an unrelated complaint.

Confronting the grinder

When the hostility or morale has become so severely impacted that management or leadership fears safety in the workplace is unpredictable or that productivity is down so much that it will effect the bottom line, then the fear of the newer problem is greater than the fear of the existing problem. The grinder is about to get confronted. Effective leaders recognize that there will be controversy and conflict in any work or home setting. However, leaders see that conflict can be positive key and help the company to grow, while negative conflict needs to be addressed in a timely fashion and in a professional manner to keep people involved. The quality and originality of decisions and the continuance of the group of good working condition is dependent on an environment that addresses negative conflict promptly.
Renting Behaviors

A leader’s job is not actually leading people, but being an example for how to behave. While a leader cannot control an employee’s beliefs, values, or morals, he may indeed influence the behaviors that are expected in a work setting. Failure to exhibit proper behaviors in the workplace may result in discipline or discharge. As an employer, we are basically renting an employee for their skills, knowledge and behaviors. We pay rent through compensation and benefits. What we are paying for is specific to the job and their skill level may exceed what we need in a work setting. Certain behaviors may or may not be tolerated at home, on the road or during a sporting event, but employers are renting only the behaviors that conform to the work setting. Sometimes people need to be reminded that work is an option, since most of the world is not on a work-release system; people are free to come to work and to quit a job that does not suit them.

Addressing a Problem

When employee behaviors conform to rules, there is little occasion for conflict. Problems arise quickly, however, when an employee exhibits behaviors that test the rules or show disrespect to co-workers. The first step to successfully addressing a behavior or performance issue is to identify the unsatisfactory behavior in factual terms. Be careful not to attribute attitudes, beliefs, or motives to the employee that may be inaccurate. In defining unsatisfactory behaviors, stick to what you know as fact, to what you saw or heard. It is most effective with these employees to name their behavior specifically asking them what they should have done differently. The key is to distinguishing the person from his behaviors. Honoring an employee’s right to be treated professionally, courteously, and respectfully aligns equity on the side of the leader or manager, and allows the relationship to survive the problem. In the end, employees and managers succeed or fail, together. Get them to develop a plan of action on what they can do in the future to avoid repeating this problem.

Remember conflict is natural. It is neither positive nor negative, it just is. Conflict is provides an opportunity to learn ways to work together instead of competing against one another. Take positive steps to deal with conflict. Educate your employees, managers and leader so that may handle conflicts professionally.

Define conflict and explain the importance of handling conflict in an organization.

Identify both positive and negative impacts of conflict in an organization.

Identify behavior patters that apply to stages of conflict and appropriate ways to handle conflict situations at each stage.

•Provide opportunities to develop strategies for handling conflict.
•Decrease conflicts by being multi-lingual.
•Initiate the development of essential assertive communication skills to assure
•Practice using fairness and firmness when resolving conflicts, to prevent creating additional conflict.
•Learn causes of conflict and proper ways to eliminate causes before conflict begins.
•Improve each person’s ability to properly diffuse conflict to prevent escalating situations.

Professional leadership promotes personal improvement, which promotes a more positive workplace and a positive community.
M anage and resolve conflict with confidence and assurance
A nticipate and prevent destructive/negative conflict
D deal with conflict and disagreements before they erupt and get out of control.
E ncourage the expression of differences when confronting them.

If your work environment is in need of help! Call us; do not wait until the situation is so bad that it has resulted in a hostile work environment or one that is impairing the emotional and physical health of others. Have a great day!

Who’s Fault is it? - Conflicts in the Workplace Part I

Conflict! It exists everywhere! But, what is conflict? Is it a negative situation or a disagreement that occurs between people? Does conflict drain have to be draining? Can conflict be positive? Conflict does exist everywhere. Conflict is a caused by a change in energy. A definition so simple that we can then understand that conflict can be negative yet it can also be very positive. When we change the way, we look at a problem we can be energized by the options and instead of drained by the task. In most environments, conflict is draining. It decreases productivity, morale and creates hostility as people attempt to avoid being the target.

Working with a variety of clients, I am called to work with people who are not working well together. My skills and expertise in conflict resolution, dealing with aggressive individuals, clinical skills etc., allow me get behind the facade. Conflicts that are negative typically seek out a person who can be blamed. For most conflict to exist, someone becomes the target or victim. As sad as it is the reality is that there are people in this world who are unhappy if people get along and if things go smoothly. These individual usually subconsciously seek to create trouble by identifying a person that has habits or qualities that they do not like. The target then becomes the focus of all the problems allowing the person who enjoys conflict to have a continuous statement of discontentment, which they do not have to be responsible for. It is sad and in many ways sick, but it is a reality.

Negative Conflicts

Negative conflicts such as the one mentioned above are very draining. The person who wants the conflict to exist spends a great deal of time and energy making sure that the focus remains on the target. Meetings and more meetings are held to discuss how the target can get along better with peers, when the person who I call the monkey grinder is sitting back very content. (I refer to the person stirring up trouble as a monkey grinder, because they get everyone to dance around trying to figure out how to solve a problem that they created. For them it is very entertaining. ) The target or victim responds as expected, this person is defensive and usually has just enough underlying personality traits to help them play the role of the martyr and is generally not a person that fits well with peers to start with, so they are accustom to this position and sometimes don‘t even see that they are being victimized. The cycle begins with the victim feeding into the plot of the monkey
grinder and then everyone dances around trying to make it all better.

If you are reading this and saying yes, Cindy we get it! We have the problem in our office! How do we fix it? Careful, all the TQM and Six Sigma or other quality improvement techniques do not fully apply here. These are people and quick fixes, which are permitted in a quality improvement setting; do not work with these situations. Chances are you already know this because some quick fixes have been tried. Including things like ignoring the individual that stirs up the problem, attempting to play nice, when it is not genuinely a part of what the participants want to do.

Where to Start

So where to does one start? Usually with an outside facilitator or consultant. This person has an objective view of the people and is seen by the people involved to be objective. The facilitator should have knowledge in human resources, so as to not break any laws or confidentiality. It is the responsibility of the facilitator to guide the members through a process that will help them to reveal the real issues and to take ownership of their behaviors. This means creating an atmosphere that is safe enough for people to speak openly and honestly about what is happening. When I work with groups experiencing this type of behavior, I have to realize that many people will play nice, while I am around. They will share the talk, but don’t want to walk the walk. They know how to say all the right things, but have no intention of applying it. Because if they apply the skills they need to apply, then people may get along and the fun stops. People may even notice this individual’s incompetence or whatever it is the grinder may be trying to hide. Luckily, we are human and humans are creatures of habit. This being said, in most situations people seek to live without disagreements, which is their habit to get along. Then there are people who try to put on a good face in a room, but who have quite another face to show in the workplace, eventually they will reveal themselves to the facilitator. Even if they do not fully reveal themselves, a trained person can see through the facade. The biggest concern comes when the individual stirring up the trouble is truly unable or even incapable of seeing the traits that she or he posses which either create or enhance the problem.

Address the Real Problem

Let’s start to address the problem. Identifying that a problem exists is the first step. As basic as this is, it can take more than one session to start to get to the issues out on the table. Realize that this is uncomfortable and almost everyone involved will make attempts to skirt the issue. This is typically done by discussing subjects or issues that are not the core problem, but which can mask or divert attention. Luckily, a skilled facilitator sees that these are items that need to be fixed and can be a quick fix, thus removing them from the table and returning the focus to the problem.

Listen to the Issues Objectively

Listen to the problems discussed, but listen without hearing names. Listen to the problem that is stated. Is it a communication problem? What is it about the communication that gets people upset? Is it a lack of communication or is it disrespect in how people communicate with one another? Review their examples to gain clarity on what you see the problem to be.

Clarify the Issues

Clarify the problems that they have brought up. It is important that the group have consensus and understanding about the issues and that they accept that these issues would still exist even without the victim or target. Clarity increases ownership and is the first step in moving people beyond airing dirty laundry. In other words, it is how we begin to end the Ain’t It Awful session and see what can be done to make things better.

Conflicts don’t happen over night nor do they go away over night. It takes time. Remember that at the root of every conflict lies the seed to its solution. This means that people cannot complain unless they have an idea of how to make it better. In the next newsletter, we will continue to work on resolving issues that make work unproductive and increase poor morale.

Stay tuned. If your work environment is in need of help! Call us; do not wait until the situation is so bad that it has resulted in a hostile work environment or one that is impairing the emotional and physical health of others. Have a great day!

The Importance of Today

Have you ever spent time worrying about tomorrow? Or thinking about what happened yesterday? As a leader, we have a responsibility of planning for tomorrow and for knowing why things happened yesterday. But our biggest challenge is living fully today. We have to set the examples for those we lead. If we made mistakes in the past today, is our day to correct it. This means staying focused on the day and fulfilling promises made today.

Perhaps you have met people who give yesterday more time than today. I often work with businesses, who are struggling because employees are living in the past. They resent changes being made, sometimes because they are fearful of the future. While others, I meet who are having problems getting along are fuming over events that happened in the past. By the time, the company decides that they need to bring in an outside resource such as myself; the level of frustration is often so high, I wonder if combat pay should be involved. I know from training and experience that when I work with these employees that progress will be slow. They tend to have a need to dwell in the past, wanting to rehash what could have been done to present this and what should’ve been done earlier. For some of the people they must express their concerns and apprehensions based on the past. However, as the leader, I know we have to move them beyond the yesterdays and in to today. The danger is that without proper guidance these individuals can very easily get caught up in the Ain’t It Awful Club, where their only focus is on what has been going wrong, instead of what they can do to take charge of improving today and the future. Dwelling in the past not only prevents from living fully in today, it allows people to get hooked into a blame game, thereby avoiding responsibility for making changes today.

The only day we can really live is today. So today, consider deleting worries and trouble by deleting two days tomorrow and yesterday. Lead others into facing today and letting go the baggage of yesterday. Promote a healthy work environment today. Face life with all the energy possible. Make each decision with conviction and determination. This day will never return and it could be our last opportunity to leave a legacy, to see the sunrise, to touch someone’s life in a positive way. To share information so that those we lead can lead without us present. Be courageous enough today to lead without regrets.

Today is important be careful what you do with it! What if today never ended and tomorrow never came?

Working with Passion Part II

Leaders need to be genuine about their passion attempts to fake it in order to energize people around them can create problems larger than have a robotic uninvolved staff. If the passion is not authentic then the person faking it is seen as a fake, destroying their credibility.


Passion Assessment:

What one thing are you passionate about? If this thing or person were removed from your life you would feel that a part of your life would be extinguished without it? This is something or someone that brings you passion.

Why are you passionate about this?

How would life be different if this thing were removed from your life?

Are you passionate enough to start a project or to build a relationship with someone knowing that you may never see the projects completion or that the relationship could be limited by time?

Do you have the strength and desire to accomplish great things? Why or why not?

Are you willing to share your passion?

Passion Extinguishes Burn-Out

A person who works 40 hours a week spends 60% of their awake hours at work. If at the end of the week all they feel is that they worked for 40 hours and received a paycheck in exchange. Both the employee and employer are being shortchanged. The employer is dealing with an employee who has quit but still shows up for the paycheck. The employee is stuck a routine of drudgery instead of doing what they enjoy. They need to be energized or they may need to move on. Leaders may try to ignite the passion in others or they may have to assess if this person is willing to be revived.

Here is a Way to Transfer Passion to Others

Encourage employees to express their passion and increase their zest for life. People who are passionate about life have an allure that attracts people. This attraction supersedes expensive clothing, money, and having a popular car. Regardless of age, people can the authenticity and depth of enthusiasm that radiates from these individuals. Too often people are afraid of burning out so they hold back and stop living life to the fullest. As sad as it is the reality is that there are some people who have never tasted the richness of passion in life. They lack an understanding of how to inhale the aroma that can fill their life and lungs with an energy that creates an overflow. Instead these people are suffocated by fear and reluctance to reach for all that life has to offer. As a leader we need to be willing to set the example to help them understand that a life goal should be to desire more than we can accomplish and live each day to soar higher. Live for the moment and spend more time enjoying reality than seeking an escape.

Imagine the return that comes from living with passion.

Suddenly every second, every minute, every hour has more meaning and it is lived more fully. We are more open to fully experience every interaction. Our roles have more meaning, whether it is being a parent, or in a relationship. When our actions are influenced by our passion life is more intense and more fulfilling. Our roles in the business world become clearer. What we are selling or marketing is more than a product it is an item that helps us to meet the needs of our customers. We are providing goods and services that add positive value to the people we serve. Best of all the people we serve see our genuine desire to help them and they want to do business with us.

Passion shapes our existence, fuels the fires of inspiration and makes the heart and mind open to changes all around us. It is food for the soul, a spark that re-illuminates our purpose and mission for being here. When we experience a critical moment in our life it is passion that helps us find the strength to continue. Passion is ours to experience and revel in. And even if it causes us some bumps and bruises as we struggle to take off and fly higher we are reaching for what is rightfully ours the right to see all that life has to offer by discover all that we can put into life every day in every way.

Working with Passion Part I

Being passionate about your job is more than the old adage "do what you love". It's looking forward to going to work. It's time flying by when you're there. It's working past quitting time, not because you're swamped with work, but because you were so intent you didn't notice the time. Passion Pays.

When you are passionate about what you do, you do better and you enjoy it more.

Do you look forward to Monday morning? Are you raring to go back to work? Or are you a TGIF (Thank God it's Friday) kind of person who can't wait to get away from the job for a couple of days? A person who works 40 hours a week spends and 60% of their awake hours at work. If you are a TGIF person you are missing something really important in your work life - passion.

If you are a TGIF person you are missing something really important in your work life - passion.

What is Passion?

Passion is a gift of the spirit combined with the totality of all the experiences we've lived through. It endows each of us with the power to live and communicate with unbridled enthusiasm. Passion is most evident when the mind, body and spirit work together to create, develop and articulate our ideas and feelings. Being passionate about a job is more than the old adage "do what you love". It's looking forward to going to work. It's time flying by when you're there. It's working past quitting time, not because we are swamped with work, but because we were so intent we didn't notice the time. We are more committed to the success of the operation if you believe in it passionately.

Putting your passion to work

The trick is not just to feel passionately about your job, but to act passionately too. Use you passion to move projects ahead, to find innovative solutions to perplexing problems, to work through the interpersonal conflicts.

If you act passionately, you won't sit passively through another boring meeting. You can't. You will share that passion with the others in the meeting. Your energy can lift all of them. Even if it doesn't, you will feel better knowing you are doing something to advance the cause in which you believe passionately.
Passionate people get more done. They don't spend time worrying about what they have to do next. They don't scheme about how to get out of doing something. And they don't have to waste time dreaming about a vacation they want to take to get away from the job.

People who are passionate about their work do a better job. Since they care so much about the work, they don't settle for anything less than their best. They don't ever "just go through the motions." The pour all their thought and energy into doing the job well.

It's just a job, isn't it?

If you feel that work is just a job, you are wasting 40 or more hours a week of your life. You are shortchanging your employer who gets less than your best effort. You are shortchanging yourself by wasting time on routine or even drudgery instead of spending that time doing what you enjoy. You could, and should, spend those 40 hours instead doing something that makes you feel good.

Not convinced?

If you have ever had a job that you felt passionately about, you know what I mean. If you have never worked at a job like that, you may wonder just how valid these statements are. If that's the case, think about something away from work that you are passionate about. Maybe it's a hobby or a sport, an activity with a special group of friends or that quiet activity where you recharge your energies.

Ever miss dinner because you were shooting hoops and didn't notice how late it had gotten? Do you know the intensity and concentration you feel when you are working on your radio-controlled models? Have you ever wondered where the day went when you were antique hunting with your best friend? Those are the the passions we enjoy in our time away from work. You get the same charge when you work at a job you are passionate about. Try it and see if you don't agree.

When you are passionate about what you do for a living you enjoy it more. You also do it better. You are more committed to the success of the operation if you believe in it passionately.

Putting your passion to work

The trick is not just to feel passionately about your job, but to act passionately too. Use you passion to move projects ahead, to find innovative solutions to perplexing problems, to work through the interpersonal conflicts.

If you act passionately, you won't sit passively through another boring meeting. You can't. You will share that passion with the others in the meeting. Your energy can lift all of them. Even if it doesn't, you will feel better knowing you are doing something to advance the cause in which you believe passionately.

Passionate people get more done. They don't spend time worrying about what they have to do next. They don't scheme about how to get out of doing something. And they don't have to waste time dreaming about a vacation they want to take to get away from the job.

People who are passionate about their work do a better job. Since they care so much about the work, they don't settle for anything less than their best. They don't ever "just go through the motions." The pour all their thought and energy into doing the job well.

Passion enables us to overcome obstacles (both real and imagined) and to see the world as a place of infinite potential. The passionate spirit looks at every occurrence and discovers the golden kernels of what can be, what should be and what will be.

Passion has its own energy -- an energy that's observable and transferable.

Best of all, you can't fake it. Almost anyone, with only a bit of intuitiveness, can spot the charlatan. We can smell the lying wolf. We can sense a lack of sincerity, authenticity and depth. We can inhale the bitter, infectious dryness of the imposter's soul.

That's precisely why passion is a powerful litmus in determining the authenticity of an individual, an organization, a product or service. It supersedes the allure of expensive clothing and luxury vehicles. It makes transparent the hyperbole of the marketing gnomes and branding banshees. It strips away the thin veneer that separates what is said and what really is. The power of passion forces us to see others as who they are, who they are becoming and often, who they can never be.
Many men and women run from personal and professional passion because they're afraid of being burned. Past relationships that ended in searing pain. Trusts and confidences that were betrayed. Risk that lead to reprimand. Grand visions that suffocated beneath the heavy pillows of nays sayers, soulless logic and overzealous egos.

Consequently, they're afraid of taking the risks that come with living life to its fullest. Most people have touched the fringes of true passion, if only for the briefest moments, at the most unexpected junctures in their lives. They've inhaled the aroma of chance and caressed themselves with the rich lather of genuine affection.

Until they pricked themselves on the thorns of that desire and intensity -- and fled at the sight of the warm crimson blood bubbling to the edges of their virgin fingertips.

And they haven't returned.

Year after year, they stay away, opting instead for a more predictable existence. Rather than taking a leap of faith and immersing themselves in the waters of their deepest joys and motivations, they insist on hiding inside a safety bubble, a sanitary, lifeless, colorless world where nothing new ever happens and the only thing that one can rely on is that tomorrow will be the same as yesterday, and that today will be more of the same.

What we all need is a global return to passion.

We must trust ourselves to being receptive to experiencing every second of every hour, of every day to its fullest.

Can you imagine how much more meaningful our roles as parents, lovers, business owners, marketers, teachers and leaders (community, corporate and spiritual) would be if all of our actions were predicated upon our diverse passions? Can you imagine a world where our marketing and sales strategies revolved around catering to the real needs of our customers' souls? If we only produced goods and service that contributed to our ability to live and communicate with passion?

Imagine a world where we lived for the moment and spent more time enjoying reality than trying to escape it. Imagine a place where we didn't need lawyers to go before judges, psychologists to tell us that we have emotional problems, or clergy to talk to the Creator for us.

That is the power of passion.

We, as a collective, can make this evolutionary step forward by realizing first that one of the tenaments of humanity is our capacity to experience and respond to feelings. Tears of joy and sadness, spirited debate, anger, unfiltered democracy, lust, pride, zeal, conviction, love, compassion -- these are not, can not be sins. Rather, they compliment another tenament of humanity; the gift of free will.
The real sin is lacking the courage to express our convictions and zest for life. It should be a crime to bottle up the passion you once felt as a youth so that you'll fit into a controlled corporate environment or circle of associates. In fact, the closest we can come to a physical hell is the unforgivable action of refusing to say what needs to be said, not singing what was meant to be sung or forcing ourselves to no longer feel what was intended to be felt.

Passion shapes our existence, fuels the fires of inspiration and makes the heart and mind open to changes all around us. It is food for the soul, a spark that re-illuminates our purpose and mission for being here. Passion is yours to experience and revel in. And even if it causes you to scrape your knees or fall into that raging river called life, passion is your birthright. It is within you. It is yours to discover and master.