In the last newsletter we discussed that managing difficult people is more about managing behaviors that create conflict. We also came to the realization that in the work setting we rent behaviors for a fee, also called a pay check. We have addressed several ways to resolve conflicts and how to identify problem behaviors to decrease conflicts from escalating. However, when a conflict is occurring in the work setting, inevitably will impact the job performance. Human resource professionals can help managers work through situations that may lead to termination. But what about the intervention steps before this.
As discussed earlier people are creatures of habits and therefore if we have neglected to address a problem in a timely manner, not to worry they will repeat it.
Address problematic behaviors within 72 hours or less. Addressing behaviors weeks later, is ineffective. If the event or situation is important enough that it needs to be addressed then doing this in a timely manner is necessary. The rule of thumb for 72 hours is to allow for a cool down time. Lets say an employee verbally threatens another employee. The angered employee makes a fist, yells and throws down an object that was in their hand. While the angered employee storms off, everyone within earshot has watched the scene unfold. The persons anger and actions need to be addressed. Calling them into your office to discuss this behavior is appropriate, but the goal of that meeting may be best spend simply de-escalating them, assuring that they are calmer when they leave and not a threat to the safety of others. Meeting with them a day or so later, may be in both parties best interest as the employee should have had some time to cool off and reflect on what happened to spark their flames. Neglecting to meet with this employee can have grave implications as others may become more fearful and the employee feels that the behavior has been excused. Please realize a single outburst does not necessarily mean that a person is violent, this outburst could be due to something physical, such as a change in blood pressure etc. Whatever the cause it, the person needs to be spoken with and needs to understand that such behavior is not tolerated.
When the time comes to meet with the employee, address the most recent issue. Unless this is a disciplinary action, bringing up the past pattern of behavior should be a last resort. The best place for the meeting should be in a neutral area, one that does not put the employee on guard, but provides safety for you. Ensure that the meeting will not be interrupted and sufficient time exists to complete the discussion. Ask the employee privately to come to the office, avoid creating further attention to the individual by paging him or her overhead. If the employee is having difficulty, controlling their temper such an announcement may reignite the behavior.
If for some reason, the employee cannot be met within 72 hours then plan to meet with him or her in no less than 2 weeks. There are sometimes extenuating circumstances, vacations, etc. that prevent people from meeting promptly, but avoid allowing any more time to pass than this.
Here is a simple formula that can be used to address performance management issues. This is a great tool for home and work.
For the leader, manager, teacher who needs to address an issue use the COPING method.
Clarify for yourself why this is a problem or a conflict. This clarification means that it can’t be personal, but must be a valid reason.
Objectively identify the facts. Be objective in examining the situation vs. subjective.
Patterns of behavior. Is this an isolated incident or one that has occurred before. Is there a history.
Investigate the facts as you know them. What can be validated? If this becomes a
reprimand than the facts are a must, is there a policy that has been violated?
Negotiation is going to be key. What is that needs to be done? Does a behavior
need to change. What will the new behavior or response look like. How can you describe it, if the person doesn’t seem to be aware that a change is needed.
Give them a chance to change. Is this an option? How long do they have to show that
there is a real change in this behavior? Be prepared to share this with the individual.
Once you have had the chance to work through the Coping Model it is time to use it with the employee. Prepared with your information, we allow the employee to see what he or she can offer as a solution etc.
Clarify with the employee why you are meeting. Offer for them to advise you of the
reason first. Allow them to ask questions to make sure that he or she understands.
Objectively listen to their story. Ask them to explain the situation without naming other employees or blaming other people. We are all responsible for our own behavior. No one can make us behave a certain way. We allow people to ignite us, and ultimately we are responsible for our reaction and response.
Patterns of performance or of a behavior. Put the employee’s performance in relative
terms is also a good tool to promote recognition of an issue, i.e., “Susan, while I
understand that you may feel that being late is beyond your control, your tardiness
record places you in the bottom 10% of the workforce in terms of reliability.”
Investigate and identify alternatives with the employee. Allow the employee to identify what could be done to prevent this from happening again.
Negotiate with the alternatives presented. What is acceptable and reasonable in the
work setting.
Give them a chance to demonstrate a change. Set a time line for checking back with them on observed changes.
Going through this analytical process prior to meeting with the employee allows a manager to focus his/her thoughts and guide the conversation more efficiently. Discussing performance/behavior with an employee is the most critical component of performance management and in keeping conflicts to a minimum.
The key in effectively dealing with a conflict or performance issue is to distinguish the person from his behaviors. Honoring an employee’s right to be treated professionally, courteously, and respectfully aligns equity on the side of the manager, and allows the relationship to survive the problem.
Perform coping today. It is easy to apply to a variety of situations, after all, COPING is what it is all about.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Monday, April 10, 2006
Conflict Resolution Part III
Is there blood running through the veins of your employees or coworkers, or is embalming fluid literally pumping the life out of your organization and pumping certain death into it? I am an optimistic person, I even have rose-colored glasses so I can see things from a very tainted point of view, but at the same time, I am a realist. In working with some organizations that are attempting to resolve conflicts, the reality is that we want to start with the people who are pumping the life out of an organization, when we ultimately need to start with the people that are still willing to pump life into the organization.
Yes, this is the path of least resistance. Some may see it as the easy way out, but I like the way my husband stated it: “you have to give up the hill to win the battle.” When dealing with conflict resolution there are some key items to understand.
1. What is at the core of the problem?
2. What is the behavior that is getting the reaction?
3. What is the group or person doing to derail the leader or us from seeing the problem?
4. Who is the scapegoat, or the person who is taking the heat and blame for the problem?
5. What (if anything) is the scapegoat doing to provoke or contribute to the situation?
6. What are other people doing that permits the person or people to sustain the conflict?
As we answer these questions, other elements need to be addressed, such as:
1. How does this group/team think?
2. Are they analytical, intuitive, or people-oriented?
3. Are the problems being resolved in a way that makes sense to their thought process?
4. If not, what can be done to improve this?
In the last two newsletters we talked about predictable patterns that occur when there are problems, how some people thrive on creating chaos and how others get caught up in it. (If you missed those newsletters just write us at newsletter@achievingcorporateexcellence.com and in the subject request Part I and II.) Now we have to dissect the problem on a more personal level. As leaders or people, being affected by the conflict what is that we are doing that is preventing us from resolving it promptly and professionally. Have we identified the core issue, or are we so busy shoveling dirt off of it that we can’t see the solution. Remember my saying, “At the root of every problem, lies the seed to it’s solution.” Once we know the core issue, we have to separate the person from the problem. See the first lesson is that he isn’t the problem, the behavior is, but our reaction to the behavior may be fueling the behavior and until we get our behavior or reactions in check, we will make very little progress.
What behaviors derail us from addressing the core issue? Are little fires started so that we never have time to deal with the big fire? Is blame put back on us in order to take the heat of the person exhibiting the behavior? Again what is your reaction that helps to keep this burning? What are the reactions of others on your team that prevent us from extinguishing the flame or from getting to the root of the problem? An internal flame can ignite an external flame.
Remember it is much easier for a third party person to see the behaviors and to get to the core of the issue. If you or your team is encountering conflicts, it will cost less in the long run to bring someone in to get the problem resolved than it will to ignore it, or to lose productivity while trying to figure it out. Problems that affect our employees affect our relationships with external customers and that can cost us even more. For example, a customer feels that they have been treated unfairly. Research shows that an unhappy customer will complain to a minimum of 15 other customers. Thus spreading a bad reputation. Worse yet is that 96% of all customers who have a complaint or conflict with something your business offers, will never tell you, they will simply take their business elsewhere. So when that one rare customer steps forward and identifies a problem be ready to step up to the opportunity. For a true sign of professionalism and personal growth is being able to turn a negative situation into a positive experience. 70% of complaining customers will continue to do business with you again if you resolve the problem in their favor. 95% will continue to do business with you if you resolve the problem on the spot.
Today what are you doing to solve problems internally or externally. Are you empowering the people you lead? Are you making them more aware of how to resolve conflicts with internal and external customers? Are you assessing their skills so that you can better prepare them to properly fight the battle and surrender the hill?
Yes, this is the path of least resistance. Some may see it as the easy way out, but I like the way my husband stated it: “you have to give up the hill to win the battle.” When dealing with conflict resolution there are some key items to understand.
1. What is at the core of the problem?
2. What is the behavior that is getting the reaction?
3. What is the group or person doing to derail the leader or us from seeing the problem?
4. Who is the scapegoat, or the person who is taking the heat and blame for the problem?
5. What (if anything) is the scapegoat doing to provoke or contribute to the situation?
6. What are other people doing that permits the person or people to sustain the conflict?
As we answer these questions, other elements need to be addressed, such as:
1. How does this group/team think?
2. Are they analytical, intuitive, or people-oriented?
3. Are the problems being resolved in a way that makes sense to their thought process?
4. If not, what can be done to improve this?
In the last two newsletters we talked about predictable patterns that occur when there are problems, how some people thrive on creating chaos and how others get caught up in it. (If you missed those newsletters just write us at newsletter@achievingcorporateexcellence.com and in the subject request Part I and II.) Now we have to dissect the problem on a more personal level. As leaders or people, being affected by the conflict what is that we are doing that is preventing us from resolving it promptly and professionally. Have we identified the core issue, or are we so busy shoveling dirt off of it that we can’t see the solution. Remember my saying, “At the root of every problem, lies the seed to it’s solution.” Once we know the core issue, we have to separate the person from the problem. See the first lesson is that he isn’t the problem, the behavior is, but our reaction to the behavior may be fueling the behavior and until we get our behavior or reactions in check, we will make very little progress.
What behaviors derail us from addressing the core issue? Are little fires started so that we never have time to deal with the big fire? Is blame put back on us in order to take the heat of the person exhibiting the behavior? Again what is your reaction that helps to keep this burning? What are the reactions of others on your team that prevent us from extinguishing the flame or from getting to the root of the problem? An internal flame can ignite an external flame.
Remember it is much easier for a third party person to see the behaviors and to get to the core of the issue. If you or your team is encountering conflicts, it will cost less in the long run to bring someone in to get the problem resolved than it will to ignore it, or to lose productivity while trying to figure it out. Problems that affect our employees affect our relationships with external customers and that can cost us even more. For example, a customer feels that they have been treated unfairly. Research shows that an unhappy customer will complain to a minimum of 15 other customers. Thus spreading a bad reputation. Worse yet is that 96% of all customers who have a complaint or conflict with something your business offers, will never tell you, they will simply take their business elsewhere. So when that one rare customer steps forward and identifies a problem be ready to step up to the opportunity. For a true sign of professionalism and personal growth is being able to turn a negative situation into a positive experience. 70% of complaining customers will continue to do business with you again if you resolve the problem in their favor. 95% will continue to do business with you if you resolve the problem on the spot.
Today what are you doing to solve problems internally or externally. Are you empowering the people you lead? Are you making them more aware of how to resolve conflicts with internal and external customers? Are you assessing their skills so that you can better prepare them to properly fight the battle and surrender the hill?
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Who’s Fault is it? - Conflicts in the Workplace Part II
Have you ever tried to ignore a conflict hoping that it would just disappear? Most people have and for some minor issues, that may work at least temporarily. The problem with a negative conflict is that most people don’t have desire to make a change to eliminate it because confrontation seems too painful. There are four reasons people don’t want to address conflict or make a change. First, until the person feels that the cost of ignoring it is higher than the fear of facing it, the conflict will go on this is a bad habit to get into. Second, many people feel unequipped to address conflict. They don’t believe that they can personally or professionally address this situation and have some meaningful resolution. This leads to the third reason conflicts are unattended. Until personal fear is more painful than the situation people will tolerate the known instead of the unknown. Last, is that people often misunderstand that addressing a conflict means attacking a person. When addressing a conflict means that, we address the behavior.
Beware of Bad Habits such as Ignoring Conflicts
In the last newsletter, I shared some of the predictability of negative conflicts. Behaviors are predictable, because we are creatures of habit. When I work with companies who are working through conflict there are several predictable factors. First, is that this situation is far from new. It is the very rare occasion that it is the result of a recent change. Rather it is usually the result of having ignored problems for months and even years. Previously, we discussed the person whose behavior is generating conflict, as being a monkey grinder. This is the person who is sitting back very content stirring up trouble. They are skilled and able to get everyone to dance around trying to figure out how to solve a problem that they created. For them it is very entertaining. This person, for time being will be referred to as the grinder, will complain and blame others for problems. When people start to address problems and behaviors, or resolve problems, then this individual often resorts to the silent treatment. The grinder usually moves quickly from the silence to passive resistant to blatant unwillingness to resolve the problem, discounting all attempts to make things better. The grinder desperately wants things to go back to how they were, when he or she had control and knew what to expect from others. The fact that leadership is seeking resolution makes the person very uncomfortable and fearful.
In the blaming and complaining stage, the monkey grinder ultimately begins to seal his or her own fate. This person uses elaborate detail to trying to create a web of blame that stays away from him or her. The grinder identifies previous managers, supervisors, and employees citing case by case situations of how these people all failed to solve the problem and so here we are today still pretending to address it. I would say the grinder is right in that it is a pretense, if we are not willing to get to the real core of the problem this persons behavior. The grinder is often successful at derailing people with these attacks. Many people get distracted and want to defend themselves or defend the actions of people who have been there before them. Some explanation may be needed to assure that department members involved understand where we are and what we are doing different. Remember the grinder proclaims innocence having never done anything wrong, but is readily available to identify others who have. The grinder is trying to get people to take their side and to disprove any chance of change. What the grinder, seems to miss is that they are actually spelling out in the history that the one constant has been their presence at the company. The problem may have been that leadership at the time felt ill equipped to handle it and thus chose one of four easy and predictable routes: 1) ignore the situation and hope it goes away, 2) deny that there is a real problem, 3) avoid it by being unavailable, or 4) pretend to fix it by addressing an unrelated complaint.
Confronting the grinder
When the hostility or morale has become so severely impacted that management or leadership fears safety in the workplace is unpredictable or that productivity is down so much that it will effect the bottom line, then the fear of the newer problem is greater than the fear of the existing problem. The grinder is about to get confronted. Effective leaders recognize that there will be controversy and conflict in any work or home setting. However, leaders see that conflict can be positive key and help the company to grow, while negative conflict needs to be addressed in a timely fashion and in a professional manner to keep people involved. The quality and originality of decisions and the continuance of the group of good working condition is dependent on an environment that addresses negative conflict promptly.
Renting Behaviors
A leader’s job is not actually leading people, but being an example for how to behave. While a leader cannot control an employee’s beliefs, values, or morals, he may indeed influence the behaviors that are expected in a work setting. Failure to exhibit proper behaviors in the workplace may result in discipline or discharge. As an employer, we are basically renting an employee for their skills, knowledge and behaviors. We pay rent through compensation and benefits. What we are paying for is specific to the job and their skill level may exceed what we need in a work setting. Certain behaviors may or may not be tolerated at home, on the road or during a sporting event, but employers are renting only the behaviors that conform to the work setting. Sometimes people need to be reminded that work is an option, since most of the world is not on a work-release system; people are free to come to work and to quit a job that does not suit them.
Addressing a Problem
When employee behaviors conform to rules, there is little occasion for conflict. Problems arise quickly, however, when an employee exhibits behaviors that test the rules or show disrespect to co-workers. The first step to successfully addressing a behavior or performance issue is to identify the unsatisfactory behavior in factual terms. Be careful not to attribute attitudes, beliefs, or motives to the employee that may be inaccurate. In defining unsatisfactory behaviors, stick to what you know as fact, to what you saw or heard. It is most effective with these employees to name their behavior specifically asking them what they should have done differently. The key is to distinguishing the person from his behaviors. Honoring an employee’s right to be treated professionally, courteously, and respectfully aligns equity on the side of the leader or manager, and allows the relationship to survive the problem. In the end, employees and managers succeed or fail, together. Get them to develop a plan of action on what they can do in the future to avoid repeating this problem.
Remember conflict is natural. It is neither positive nor negative, it just is. Conflict is provides an opportunity to learn ways to work together instead of competing against one another. Take positive steps to deal with conflict. Educate your employees, managers and leader so that may handle conflicts professionally.
Define conflict and explain the importance of handling conflict in an organization.
Identify both positive and negative impacts of conflict in an organization.
Identify behavior patters that apply to stages of conflict and appropriate ways to handle conflict situations at each stage.
•Provide opportunities to develop strategies for handling conflict.
•Decrease conflicts by being multi-lingual.
•Initiate the development of essential assertive communication skills to assure
•Practice using fairness and firmness when resolving conflicts, to prevent creating additional conflict.
•Learn causes of conflict and proper ways to eliminate causes before conflict begins.
•Improve each person’s ability to properly diffuse conflict to prevent escalating situations.
Professional leadership promotes personal improvement, which promotes a more positive workplace and a positive community.
M anage and resolve conflict with confidence and assurance
A nticipate and prevent destructive/negative conflict
D deal with conflict and disagreements before they erupt and get out of control.
E ncourage the expression of differences when confronting them.
If your work environment is in need of help! Call us; do not wait until the situation is so bad that it has resulted in a hostile work environment or one that is impairing the emotional and physical health of others. Have a great day!
Beware of Bad Habits such as Ignoring Conflicts
In the last newsletter, I shared some of the predictability of negative conflicts. Behaviors are predictable, because we are creatures of habit. When I work with companies who are working through conflict there are several predictable factors. First, is that this situation is far from new. It is the very rare occasion that it is the result of a recent change. Rather it is usually the result of having ignored problems for months and even years. Previously, we discussed the person whose behavior is generating conflict, as being a monkey grinder. This is the person who is sitting back very content stirring up trouble. They are skilled and able to get everyone to dance around trying to figure out how to solve a problem that they created. For them it is very entertaining. This person, for time being will be referred to as the grinder, will complain and blame others for problems. When people start to address problems and behaviors, or resolve problems, then this individual often resorts to the silent treatment. The grinder usually moves quickly from the silence to passive resistant to blatant unwillingness to resolve the problem, discounting all attempts to make things better. The grinder desperately wants things to go back to how they were, when he or she had control and knew what to expect from others. The fact that leadership is seeking resolution makes the person very uncomfortable and fearful.
In the blaming and complaining stage, the monkey grinder ultimately begins to seal his or her own fate. This person uses elaborate detail to trying to create a web of blame that stays away from him or her. The grinder identifies previous managers, supervisors, and employees citing case by case situations of how these people all failed to solve the problem and so here we are today still pretending to address it. I would say the grinder is right in that it is a pretense, if we are not willing to get to the real core of the problem this persons behavior. The grinder is often successful at derailing people with these attacks. Many people get distracted and want to defend themselves or defend the actions of people who have been there before them. Some explanation may be needed to assure that department members involved understand where we are and what we are doing different. Remember the grinder proclaims innocence having never done anything wrong, but is readily available to identify others who have. The grinder is trying to get people to take their side and to disprove any chance of change. What the grinder, seems to miss is that they are actually spelling out in the history that the one constant has been their presence at the company. The problem may have been that leadership at the time felt ill equipped to handle it and thus chose one of four easy and predictable routes: 1) ignore the situation and hope it goes away, 2) deny that there is a real problem, 3) avoid it by being unavailable, or 4) pretend to fix it by addressing an unrelated complaint.
Confronting the grinder
When the hostility or morale has become so severely impacted that management or leadership fears safety in the workplace is unpredictable or that productivity is down so much that it will effect the bottom line, then the fear of the newer problem is greater than the fear of the existing problem. The grinder is about to get confronted. Effective leaders recognize that there will be controversy and conflict in any work or home setting. However, leaders see that conflict can be positive key and help the company to grow, while negative conflict needs to be addressed in a timely fashion and in a professional manner to keep people involved. The quality and originality of decisions and the continuance of the group of good working condition is dependent on an environment that addresses negative conflict promptly.
Renting Behaviors
A leader’s job is not actually leading people, but being an example for how to behave. While a leader cannot control an employee’s beliefs, values, or morals, he may indeed influence the behaviors that are expected in a work setting. Failure to exhibit proper behaviors in the workplace may result in discipline or discharge. As an employer, we are basically renting an employee for their skills, knowledge and behaviors. We pay rent through compensation and benefits. What we are paying for is specific to the job and their skill level may exceed what we need in a work setting. Certain behaviors may or may not be tolerated at home, on the road or during a sporting event, but employers are renting only the behaviors that conform to the work setting. Sometimes people need to be reminded that work is an option, since most of the world is not on a work-release system; people are free to come to work and to quit a job that does not suit them.
Addressing a Problem
When employee behaviors conform to rules, there is little occasion for conflict. Problems arise quickly, however, when an employee exhibits behaviors that test the rules or show disrespect to co-workers. The first step to successfully addressing a behavior or performance issue is to identify the unsatisfactory behavior in factual terms. Be careful not to attribute attitudes, beliefs, or motives to the employee that may be inaccurate. In defining unsatisfactory behaviors, stick to what you know as fact, to what you saw or heard. It is most effective with these employees to name their behavior specifically asking them what they should have done differently. The key is to distinguishing the person from his behaviors. Honoring an employee’s right to be treated professionally, courteously, and respectfully aligns equity on the side of the leader or manager, and allows the relationship to survive the problem. In the end, employees and managers succeed or fail, together. Get them to develop a plan of action on what they can do in the future to avoid repeating this problem.
Remember conflict is natural. It is neither positive nor negative, it just is. Conflict is provides an opportunity to learn ways to work together instead of competing against one another. Take positive steps to deal with conflict. Educate your employees, managers and leader so that may handle conflicts professionally.
Define conflict and explain the importance of handling conflict in an organization.
Identify both positive and negative impacts of conflict in an organization.
Identify behavior patters that apply to stages of conflict and appropriate ways to handle conflict situations at each stage.
•Provide opportunities to develop strategies for handling conflict.
•Decrease conflicts by being multi-lingual.
•Initiate the development of essential assertive communication skills to assure
•Practice using fairness and firmness when resolving conflicts, to prevent creating additional conflict.
•Learn causes of conflict and proper ways to eliminate causes before conflict begins.
•Improve each person’s ability to properly diffuse conflict to prevent escalating situations.
Professional leadership promotes personal improvement, which promotes a more positive workplace and a positive community.
M anage and resolve conflict with confidence and assurance
A nticipate and prevent destructive/negative conflict
D deal with conflict and disagreements before they erupt and get out of control.
E ncourage the expression of differences when confronting them.
If your work environment is in need of help! Call us; do not wait until the situation is so bad that it has resulted in a hostile work environment or one that is impairing the emotional and physical health of others. Have a great day!
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Who’s Fault is it? - Conflicts in the Workplace Part I
Conflict! It exists everywhere! But, what is conflict? Is it a negative situation or a disagreement that occurs between people? Does conflict drain have to be draining? Can conflict be positive? Conflict does exist everywhere. Conflict is a caused by a change in energy. A definition so simple that we can then understand that conflict can be negative yet it can also be very positive. When we change the way, we look at a problem we can be energized by the options and instead of drained by the task. In most environments, conflict is draining. It decreases productivity, morale and creates hostility as people attempt to avoid being the target.
Working with a variety of clients, I am called to work with people who are not working well together. My skills and expertise in conflict resolution, dealing with aggressive individuals, clinical skills etc., allow me get behind the facade. Conflicts that are negative typically seek out a person who can be blamed. For most conflict to exist, someone becomes the target or victim. As sad as it is the reality is that there are people in this world who are unhappy if people get along and if things go smoothly. These individual usually subconsciously seek to create trouble by identifying a person that has habits or qualities that they do not like. The target then becomes the focus of all the problems allowing the person who enjoys conflict to have a continuous statement of discontentment, which they do not have to be responsible for. It is sad and in many ways sick, but it is a reality.
Negative Conflicts
Negative conflicts such as the one mentioned above are very draining. The person who wants the conflict to exist spends a great deal of time and energy making sure that the focus remains on the target. Meetings and more meetings are held to discuss how the target can get along better with peers, when the person who I call the monkey grinder is sitting back very content. (I refer to the person stirring up trouble as a monkey grinder, because they get everyone to dance around trying to figure out how to solve a problem that they created. For them it is very entertaining. ) The target or victim responds as expected, this person is defensive and usually has just enough underlying personality traits to help them play the role of the martyr and is generally not a person that fits well with peers to start with, so they are accustom to this position and sometimes don‘t even see that they are being victimized. The cycle begins with the victim feeding into the plot of the monkey
grinder and then everyone dances around trying to make it all better.
If you are reading this and saying yes, Cindy we get it! We have the problem in our office! How do we fix it? Careful, all the TQM and Six Sigma or other quality improvement techniques do not fully apply here. These are people and quick fixes, which are permitted in a quality improvement setting; do not work with these situations. Chances are you already know this because some quick fixes have been tried. Including things like ignoring the individual that stirs up the problem, attempting to play nice, when it is not genuinely a part of what the participants want to do.
Where to Start
So where to does one start? Usually with an outside facilitator or consultant. This person has an objective view of the people and is seen by the people involved to be objective. The facilitator should have knowledge in human resources, so as to not break any laws or confidentiality. It is the responsibility of the facilitator to guide the members through a process that will help them to reveal the real issues and to take ownership of their behaviors. This means creating an atmosphere that is safe enough for people to speak openly and honestly about what is happening. When I work with groups experiencing this type of behavior, I have to realize that many people will play nice, while I am around. They will share the talk, but don’t want to walk the walk. They know how to say all the right things, but have no intention of applying it. Because if they apply the skills they need to apply, then people may get along and the fun stops. People may even notice this individual’s incompetence or whatever it is the grinder may be trying to hide. Luckily, we are human and humans are creatures of habit. This being said, in most situations people seek to live without disagreements, which is their habit to get along. Then there are people who try to put on a good face in a room, but who have quite another face to show in the workplace, eventually they will reveal themselves to the facilitator. Even if they do not fully reveal themselves, a trained person can see through the facade. The biggest concern comes when the individual stirring up the trouble is truly unable or even incapable of seeing the traits that she or he posses which either create or enhance the problem.
Address the Real Problem
Let’s start to address the problem. Identifying that a problem exists is the first step. As basic as this is, it can take more than one session to start to get to the issues out on the table. Realize that this is uncomfortable and almost everyone involved will make attempts to skirt the issue. This is typically done by discussing subjects or issues that are not the core problem, but which can mask or divert attention. Luckily, a skilled facilitator sees that these are items that need to be fixed and can be a quick fix, thus removing them from the table and returning the focus to the problem.
Listen to the Issues Objectively
Listen to the problems discussed, but listen without hearing names. Listen to the problem that is stated. Is it a communication problem? What is it about the communication that gets people upset? Is it a lack of communication or is it disrespect in how people communicate with one another? Review their examples to gain clarity on what you see the problem to be.
Clarify the Issues
Clarify the problems that they have brought up. It is important that the group have consensus and understanding about the issues and that they accept that these issues would still exist even without the victim or target. Clarity increases ownership and is the first step in moving people beyond airing dirty laundry. In other words, it is how we begin to end the Ain’t It Awful session and see what can be done to make things better.
Conflicts don’t happen over night nor do they go away over night. It takes time. Remember that at the root of every conflict lies the seed to its solution. This means that people cannot complain unless they have an idea of how to make it better. In the next newsletter, we will continue to work on resolving issues that make work unproductive and increase poor morale.
Stay tuned. If your work environment is in need of help! Call us; do not wait until the situation is so bad that it has resulted in a hostile work environment or one that is impairing the emotional and physical health of others. Have a great day!
Working with a variety of clients, I am called to work with people who are not working well together. My skills and expertise in conflict resolution, dealing with aggressive individuals, clinical skills etc., allow me get behind the facade. Conflicts that are negative typically seek out a person who can be blamed. For most conflict to exist, someone becomes the target or victim. As sad as it is the reality is that there are people in this world who are unhappy if people get along and if things go smoothly. These individual usually subconsciously seek to create trouble by identifying a person that has habits or qualities that they do not like. The target then becomes the focus of all the problems allowing the person who enjoys conflict to have a continuous statement of discontentment, which they do not have to be responsible for. It is sad and in many ways sick, but it is a reality.
Negative Conflicts
Negative conflicts such as the one mentioned above are very draining. The person who wants the conflict to exist spends a great deal of time and energy making sure that the focus remains on the target. Meetings and more meetings are held to discuss how the target can get along better with peers, when the person who I call the monkey grinder is sitting back very content. (I refer to the person stirring up trouble as a monkey grinder, because they get everyone to dance around trying to figure out how to solve a problem that they created. For them it is very entertaining. ) The target or victim responds as expected, this person is defensive and usually has just enough underlying personality traits to help them play the role of the martyr and is generally not a person that fits well with peers to start with, so they are accustom to this position and sometimes don‘t even see that they are being victimized. The cycle begins with the victim feeding into the plot of the monkey
grinder and then everyone dances around trying to make it all better.
If you are reading this and saying yes, Cindy we get it! We have the problem in our office! How do we fix it? Careful, all the TQM and Six Sigma or other quality improvement techniques do not fully apply here. These are people and quick fixes, which are permitted in a quality improvement setting; do not work with these situations. Chances are you already know this because some quick fixes have been tried. Including things like ignoring the individual that stirs up the problem, attempting to play nice, when it is not genuinely a part of what the participants want to do.
Where to Start
So where to does one start? Usually with an outside facilitator or consultant. This person has an objective view of the people and is seen by the people involved to be objective. The facilitator should have knowledge in human resources, so as to not break any laws or confidentiality. It is the responsibility of the facilitator to guide the members through a process that will help them to reveal the real issues and to take ownership of their behaviors. This means creating an atmosphere that is safe enough for people to speak openly and honestly about what is happening. When I work with groups experiencing this type of behavior, I have to realize that many people will play nice, while I am around. They will share the talk, but don’t want to walk the walk. They know how to say all the right things, but have no intention of applying it. Because if they apply the skills they need to apply, then people may get along and the fun stops. People may even notice this individual’s incompetence or whatever it is the grinder may be trying to hide. Luckily, we are human and humans are creatures of habit. This being said, in most situations people seek to live without disagreements, which is their habit to get along. Then there are people who try to put on a good face in a room, but who have quite another face to show in the workplace, eventually they will reveal themselves to the facilitator. Even if they do not fully reveal themselves, a trained person can see through the facade. The biggest concern comes when the individual stirring up the trouble is truly unable or even incapable of seeing the traits that she or he posses which either create or enhance the problem.
Address the Real Problem
Let’s start to address the problem. Identifying that a problem exists is the first step. As basic as this is, it can take more than one session to start to get to the issues out on the table. Realize that this is uncomfortable and almost everyone involved will make attempts to skirt the issue. This is typically done by discussing subjects or issues that are not the core problem, but which can mask or divert attention. Luckily, a skilled facilitator sees that these are items that need to be fixed and can be a quick fix, thus removing them from the table and returning the focus to the problem.
Listen to the Issues Objectively
Listen to the problems discussed, but listen without hearing names. Listen to the problem that is stated. Is it a communication problem? What is it about the communication that gets people upset? Is it a lack of communication or is it disrespect in how people communicate with one another? Review their examples to gain clarity on what you see the problem to be.
Clarify the Issues
Clarify the problems that they have brought up. It is important that the group have consensus and understanding about the issues and that they accept that these issues would still exist even without the victim or target. Clarity increases ownership and is the first step in moving people beyond airing dirty laundry. In other words, it is how we begin to end the Ain’t It Awful session and see what can be done to make things better.
Conflicts don’t happen over night nor do they go away over night. It takes time. Remember that at the root of every conflict lies the seed to its solution. This means that people cannot complain unless they have an idea of how to make it better. In the next newsletter, we will continue to work on resolving issues that make work unproductive and increase poor morale.
Stay tuned. If your work environment is in need of help! Call us; do not wait until the situation is so bad that it has resulted in a hostile work environment or one that is impairing the emotional and physical health of others. Have a great day!
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