Do
you know people who their first response to a situation, is to find a reason to
complain about it? Perhaps you have even had an occasion to complain
about something? Did complaining solve or resolve the problem? There are some
people who have mastered the art of chronically complaining or “whining”. These
individuals seem to be happiest when happiest when they have something to
complain about. If they are skills complainers then they know how manipulate
other people to fix their problems. Effective leaders should discourage
complaining and should encourage responsibility. Complaining promotes a sense
of learned helplessness and victimization.
Personally and professionally
complaining creates a negative environment, is an unproductive use of time, and
usually focuses on blaming people instead of addressing the issue or behavior.
Complaining is habit forming and is highly contagious. It is problem-focused
instead of solution-focused. Many people verbalize complaints instead of
compliments because complaining requires less effort. Then there are those
people who complain so well that they actually create a club, at least
unofficially, and these clubs or clichés are better known as the Ain’t it Awful
Club. Perhaps you have accidentally walked in on a meeting, in a break room, or
after work when co-workers gather, or maybe even the meeting has been brought
home. So what do leaders do to discourage infectious complaining? Read on!
First, as a leader, (by title or by desire)
we have to promote and demonstrate full responsibility for our actions and for
our words. This means eliminating blaming others for problems or situations we
encounter. We have to develop a new habit for being accountable for our actions
and our responses and break any old habits we may have of grumbling with
members of the Ain’t it Awful Club. This approach reminds us we have choices.
Taking responsibility promotes a more positive mindset. When people accept that
they have a choice in a situation, they feel empowered and are more likely to
make positive decisions that will move them forward instead of moving them
backwards or worse yet allowing them to get stuck.
Next,
be willing to teach others how to take responsibility for situations, by
encouraging them to see what they could have done to change the situation. This
discourages people from falling victim to life and encourages them to take part
in it. Remember most people learn by doing, but are often afraid to take the
first step, so they need to see someone else who is willing to try it, and
observe how this works. So take the lead today! Let go of the old habit of
complaining, replace it with verbalizing and demonstrating responsibility for the
situations that you encounter. Once this is accepted our attitude and outlook
helps us to build a whole and happy life. When we change the way we think we
can change our life.
Finally, notice the difference
this approach makes in your day. Energy is increased and a more positive
environment moves us forward. Forgive yourself and others when complaining
creeps back into life just pick up and start again. Promote clarity in your
communication so that you ask for what you want realizing that no is as much of
an answer as yes. Once you start taking responsibility you will discover that
most complaints are the results of people not getting what they want. However,
the problem is what was wanted was never requested or vocalized; instead
complaining began because people didn’t get what they wanted.
I recently shared a story, where
I was unloading my car to do a program, while I took one load of materials into
the building, another car pulled into the space behind my car. This vehicle was
so close to the trunk of my car that I could barely get my knees between the
two vehicles. The complaint part is obvious to most, as I could complain about
how close the car got to mine, but the bottom-line was complaining wouldn’t do
anything. It wouldn’t change the distance between the cars, it wouldn’t make
the driver of the other car move. Complaining to the driver, if I knew who the
driver was, could start an argument (and arguing wouldn’t move the car) it also
wouldn’t help me keep a positive attitude. By taking responsibility, I remembered
that I had a choice to get into my vehicle and at least move it forward a few
inches, so that I could comfortably fit between the two vehicles and unload, or
I could move it to a new location if needed. What if I had complained about this
before, or during the program and then discovered that the owner of the car was
in the audience? Think about it! The person parking behind me, didn’t know I
had a large item to get out of my trunk, they were just making sure their trunk
didn’t get hit. This event was not about me, and complaining would have made it
feel more personal than it ever was, so why go there!
If you have time to whine and complain about
something then you have the time to do something about it. Anthony J.
D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
If
you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one. Cavett
Robert
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