Have you ever tried to ignore a conflict hoping that it would just disappear? Most people have and for some minor issues, that may work at least temporarily. The problem with a negative conflict is that most people don’t have desire to make a change to eliminate it because confrontation seems too painful. There are four reasons people don’t want to address conflict or make a change. First, until the person feels that the cost of ignoring it is higher than the fear of facing it, the conflict will go on this is a bad habit to get into. Second, many people feel unequipped to address conflict. They don’t believe that they can personally or professionally address this situation and have some meaningful resolution. This leads to the third reason conflicts are unattended. Until personal fear is more painful than the situation people will tolerate the known instead of the unknown. Last, is that people often misunderstand that addressing a conflict means attacking a person. When addressing a conflict means that, we address the behavior.
Beware of Bad Habits such as Ignoring Conflicts
In the last newsletter, I shared some of the predictability of negative conflicts. Behaviors are predictable, because we are creatures of habit. When I work with companies who are working through conflict there are several predictable factors. First, is that this situation is far from new. It is the very rare occasion that it is the result of a recent change. Rather it is usually the result of having ignored problems for months and even years. Previously, we discussed the person whose behavior is generating conflict, as being a monkey grinder. This is the person who is sitting back very content stirring up trouble. They are skilled and able to get everyone to dance around trying to figure out how to solve a problem that they created. For them it is very entertaining. This person, for time being will be referred to as the grinder, will complain and blame others for problems. When people start to address problems and behaviors, or resolve problems, then this individual often resorts to the silent treatment. The grinder usually moves quickly from the silence to passive resistant to blatant unwillingness to resolve the problem, discounting all attempts to make things better. The grinder desperately wants things to go back to how they were, when he or she had control and knew what to expect from others. The fact that leadership is seeking resolution makes the person very uncomfortable and fearful.
In the blaming and complaining stage, the monkey grinder ultimately begins to seal his or her own fate. This person uses elaborate detail to trying to create a web of blame that stays away from him or her. The grinder identifies previous managers, supervisors, and employees citing case by case situations of how these people all failed to solve the problem and so here we are today still pretending to address it. I would say the grinder is right in that it is a pretense, if we are not willing to get to the real core of the problem this persons behavior. The grinder is often successful at derailing people with these attacks. Many people get distracted and want to defend themselves or defend the actions of people who have been there before them. Some explanation may be needed to assure that department members involved understand where we are and what we are doing different. Remember the grinder proclaims innocence having never done anything wrong, but is readily available to identify others who have. The grinder is trying to get people to take their side and to disprove any chance of change. What the grinder, seems to miss is that they are actually spelling out in the history that the one constant has been their presence at the company. The problem may have been that leadership at the time felt ill equipped to handle it and thus chose one of four easy and predictable routes: 1) ignore the situation and hope it goes away, 2) deny that there is a real problem, 3) avoid it by being unavailable, or 4) pretend to fix it by addressing an unrelated complaint.
Confronting the grinder
When the hostility or morale has become so severely impacted that management or leadership fears safety in the workplace is unpredictable or that productivity is down so much that it will effect the bottom line, then the fear of the newer problem is greater than the fear of the existing problem. The grinder is about to get confronted. Effective leaders recognize that there will be controversy and conflict in any work or home setting. However, leaders see that conflict can be positive key and help the company to grow, while negative conflict needs to be addressed in a timely fashion and in a professional manner to keep people involved. The quality and originality of decisions and the continuance of the group of good working condition is dependent on an environment that addresses negative conflict promptly.
Renting Behaviors
A leader’s job is not actually leading people, but being an example for how to behave. While a leader cannot control an employee’s beliefs, values, or morals, he may indeed influence the behaviors that are expected in a work setting. Failure to exhibit proper behaviors in the workplace may result in discipline or discharge. As an employer, we are basically renting an employee for their skills, knowledge and behaviors. We pay rent through compensation and benefits. What we are paying for is specific to the job and their skill level may exceed what we need in a work setting. Certain behaviors may or may not be tolerated at home, on the road or during a sporting event, but employers are renting only the behaviors that conform to the work setting. Sometimes people need to be reminded that work is an option, since most of the world is not on a work-release system; people are free to come to work and to quit a job that does not suit them.
Addressing a Problem
When employee behaviors conform to rules, there is little occasion for conflict. Problems arise quickly, however, when an employee exhibits behaviors that test the rules or show disrespect to co-workers. The first step to successfully addressing a behavior or performance issue is to identify the unsatisfactory behavior in factual terms. Be careful not to attribute attitudes, beliefs, or motives to the employee that may be inaccurate. In defining unsatisfactory behaviors, stick to what you know as fact, to what you saw or heard. It is most effective with these employees to name their behavior specifically asking them what they should have done differently. The key is to distinguishing the person from his behaviors. Honoring an employee’s right to be treated professionally, courteously, and respectfully aligns equity on the side of the leader or manager, and allows the relationship to survive the problem. In the end, employees and managers succeed or fail, together. Get them to develop a plan of action on what they can do in the future to avoid repeating this problem.
Remember conflict is natural. It is neither positive nor negative, it just is. Conflict is provides an opportunity to learn ways to work together instead of competing against one another. Take positive steps to deal with conflict. Educate your employees, managers and leader so that may handle conflicts professionally.
Define conflict and explain the importance of handling conflict in an organization.
Identify both positive and negative impacts of conflict in an organization.
Identify behavior patters that apply to stages of conflict and appropriate ways to handle conflict situations at each stage.
•Provide opportunities to develop strategies for handling conflict.
•Decrease conflicts by being multi-lingual.
•Initiate the development of essential assertive communication skills to assure
•Practice using fairness and firmness when resolving conflicts, to prevent creating additional conflict.
•Learn causes of conflict and proper ways to eliminate causes before conflict begins.
•Improve each person’s ability to properly diffuse conflict to prevent escalating situations.
Professional leadership promotes personal improvement, which promotes a more positive workplace and a positive community.
M anage and resolve conflict with confidence and assurance
A nticipate and prevent destructive/negative conflict
D deal with conflict and disagreements before they erupt and get out of control.
E ncourage the expression of differences when confronting them.
If your work environment is in need of help! Call us; do not wait until the situation is so bad that it has resulted in a hostile work environment or one that is impairing the emotional and physical health of others. Have a great day!
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