The Importance of Thinking Before We Speak

Have you ever had a conversation with a person only to realize they weren’t listening? Perhaps you have had an entire conversation in which people were talking but no one is really listening, they are only waiting to reply. In the United States we are approaching a holiday called Thanksgiving. It is very typical for friends and family to come together during this time and attempt to communicate with one another, when in actuality all most of them are doing is talking, but they are not listening. They are so focused on sharing their information that they do not hear what other people are saying. They only hear the silence they take as permission to start making noise. This same problem happens everyday in any one of the 25 million meetings taking place or between worker and co-worker.

Listening is rare. Do you have people in your life that know how to listen? To really listen? If we are fortunate, we have someone in our life who we feel we can talk to because they listen and listen with such a deep capacity that they hear the person, the emotion, and even the unspoken words. They are able to communicate on a level rarely reached by people who listen to only the words. Listening on this level requires a skill. There are people who enable us to be as we are and to learn why we have never been more until we are willing to hear what they have to say.

Recently, I was doing a team building training program with a company and they had selected to have a debrief with me after the event was complete. The debrief involved me meeting one-on-one with each participant and discussing what I had observed, felt and heard. My role in this interactive teambuilding session was to use my skills, training, knowledge and expertise to determine what this team was doing well and what areas each team member needed to work on improving in order to move the team forward. In order for people to grow, they must understand how people hear them. A person who can help enlighten you on how what you say in your actions as well as in your words is invaluable. It has been said that a person will never truly know his or herself until they find a person who can listen and can help them to discover who they are. We can hide from ourselves alone, but we cannot discover ourselves alone.

Do you have a professional coach, an older, wiser, more experienced person who will stand on the sidelines of your life and see the big picture? So often in business people are competing with one another and are unable to see that growth isn’t about winning a race, rather it is about the performance in the race. While some people may walk away with a trophy, we all have to walk away with ourselves regardless of where we finished in the race. Do you have someone who will give honest feedback to you or to your team, see beneath the facades and openly discuss the way people work together and what needs to be done so that everyone is in the same game?

Who stretches your mind? Who can make you wince as they expose the truth that you don’t want to face? Who can give you feedback in a way that is open and informational so that you can grow? Many of us have people in our lives who are more than willing to expose our inadequacies and shortcomings, but they communicate in a way that is negative and thus it prevents us from hearing the message.

Who listens and encourages your growth personally and professionally? Success happens because visionaries see the possibility and hear destiny calling them. We need visionaries who can communicate the possibilities with us. They can see the dream and hear what we have to offer so that we can reach for our dream by making it a goal.

Companies who are having the most success with retention and motivation today have worked on improving communication among employees. They have heard the need and have established programs to build better communication across generations and from Top Management down and across.

When was the last time you attended a program on Generational Diversity or on Communication basics? Do you have a mentor or a coach? Does your employer offer a mentoring program to help employees grow? Are meetings facilitated in a manner that allows everyone to participate and be heard? Do you participate in strategic planning retreats with an outside facilitator trained to make sure that everyone’s ideas are heard? If you or your company are without these items, then it is very likely you or your company have come to a holding pattern. I am presently writing this newsletter, while in the air and delayed because the flight before was put in a holding pattern. A holding pattern is when a plane is unable to land because of unfavorable ground conditions. This is why planes have to carry extra fuel to make sure they can stay in the air longer should they be placed in a holding pattern. But this is costly! Either personally or professionally when we don’t have a person who can listen to us, or who can relay what our communication is saying to others, then we are in a holding a pattern. For growth and progress will not occur until we hear.

The company I just finished working with was pleasantly surprised at my ability to get to the issues so quickly and to help each person develop a plan of action, as well as the team, so they could begin to soar higher. Are you ready to soar higher? Then let’s get ready to take off together. Let us know what we can do to help you or your company improve communication. Don’t delay, take action today.